Issue #8

Minor League Fanaticism Inbred in
the Heart of America

July 10, 2001

A Tangled Web of Intrigue™

+by Razor Witt+

Mudflats, Mississippi—In a stunning display of mediocrity, the Sockpuppets, a major league farm team, lost their 647th game in a row last night. Perhaps even more incredible was the lack of disappointment displayed by the eight Sockpuppets fans in attendance.

     "Oh, the Sockpuppets have just had some bad breaks, is all," said Uriah James, age 47. "They should pick it up real soon, and then, watch out."

     While James and the other seven die-hard fans attempted to get a wave going during the Sockpuppets 14-3 loss to the Old Rock Bandits, other spectators vocalized concerns about the eight fans. "Maybe they're retarded," said Old Rock Bandits fan, Curt Cesspaw.

     "You know, they're all related. I hear that they were all home-schooled by their one-armed, blind sister Missy James, who is also rumored to be their mother and aunt," claimed Cesspaw's wife Wanda.

     When TwistedFans asked the James clan to comment on the remarks made by the Cesspaws, the men removed their tube socks, placed them over their heads and all started shouting "Go Sockpuppets!"

     This display continued for nearly 6 minutes, when they hyperventilated and passed out. has collected DNA samples from the fans with the hope of connecting them to New York Mets GM Steve Phillips, another person blind to the failure around him.

Razor Witt has recently fallen into bankruptcy after betting the Sockpuppets "To Win" in  312 straight games.

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