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San Diego Chicken Arrested For Dealing Crack

Issue #6

A Tangled Web of Intrigue

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Washington D.C.In a shocking revelation this week, the world famous San Diego Chicken, star of stage, screen, and the baseball diamond, was arrested for dealing crack to children.

Little Leaguers Get High on Crack on the White House Lawn Compliments of The San Diego Chicken and W's Liberal Drug Policy

TwistedFans has learned that the Chicken was the mastermind of a large inner-city drug ring, and that his organization was so extensive that until the arresting officers invaded his drug lab, no one
suspected he was even involved.

"Yeah, I saw him there, with his harem of hens and his gold rings and everything," stated Sgt. John Lerhone of the D.C.P.D., "We didn't know it would be him, and quite frankly, we were shocked."

The Chicken's only replies to inquiries so far have been a staunch "no comment" and a dirt scratch as issued by his attorneys.

Thousands of disillusioned fans of all ages across the greater San Diego area are in state ranging from denial to anger to pure apathy. Numerous houses have signs reading, "Say It Ain't So, Chicken" hanging outside their windows. Many gathered outside the precinct house where the Chicken was arraigned holding a candlelight vigil. A few, though expressed that they
weren't in the least bit surprised.

"There was always something not quite right about that bird," Andrea Gimpowski, 36, said, "And now we know. I didn't think it would be this bad, but, you know, a six foot chicken? He had to be warped somehow."

TwistedFans will keep you informed on this story as it develops.

Staff WriterRazor Witt has ruffled some feathers in his quest to report the truth.

June 26, 2001

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