July 3, 2001

Profiles In Excellence: Butch Rogaine

Issue #7

A Tangled Web of Intrigue

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BrooklynButch Rogaine was born in Tapei, Taiwan in 1976, the love child of actors Yul Bryner and Farrah Fawcett. Blessed with beautiful blonde but thinning hair, Butch painted his scalp black and named himself after the famous hair growth treatment. His interest in sports began in a posh New Hampshire boarding school, where his classmates would bean the slow witted and shy boy with every kind of ball.

      After the boarding school burned down, Butch spent several years in a juvenile detention center, where he read a great deal of law books, the Koran, and Sports Illustrated. During this period of incarceration, Rogaine dedicated his life to self discipline, school work, viewing sports, and writing fiction.

      After his sentence expired (and the detention center burned down), it became even more clear that Butch was destined for a career in sports reporting. As an eighteen year old he became the youngest journalist to cover the Mets (then) Triple-A team, the Tidewater Tides.

      After the Tides's stadium burned down and they moved to Norfolk, Virginia, Butch decided that he had accomplished all he could with a high school diploma. He was sick of taking 'seconds' whenever groupies came to visit the ball players. Rogaine attended Fordham University, where he studied dramatic literature and chemistry.

      After a University building exploded, Butch's mentors placed him on an accelerated program and he graduated within a mere 2 years. He then decided to enroll at Cardozo Law in NYC, a school with very flammable contents. Like any good lawyer with a firm grasp of the law's application to reality, Butch graduated without honors.

      After Lincoln Center, the site of Cardozo's graduation ceremonies, burned down, Butch and some friends began a web site named TwistedFans.com. Until it burns down, Butch will be a regular contributor to the site.

Staff Writer Butch Rogaine is the ultimate sports parody writer. We are all merely apostles giving him fishes and loaves to multiply into sustenance for the masses!

July 3, 2001

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