twistedfans.com


May 27, 2004

Free McAfee Software
As part of a class-action lawsuit settlement, McAfee is offering free downloads of VirusScan, AntiSpyware, or Quickclean to anyone who owns VirusScan 3 or 4. I'm sure most owners lost their proof of purchase/receipts long ago, luckily their not needed.

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More Pus-Drinking Nuns
Searching for Pus-drinking nuns? You've come to the right place! Actually, there's no pus-drinking nuns here (you just missed 'em). Ok, before you start thinking I'm crazy, here's my explanation:

First off, Mimi Smartypants has way more readers than us (hard to believe, I know). As if that's still not enough, she's now trying to corner the market on google searches for "pus-drinking nuns". So I figure many of her readers will google the phrase, just to see what turns up. In case you're wondering, as of today, there's zero search results for this phrase (with or without the quotes). So, to try and enrich my site's hit count, I'm getting in on the pus-drinking nuns craze while the getting's good.

If you happen to manage a site indexed by google, I'd appreciate a link titled "pus-drinking nuns". In return, I promise to post a follow-up on the number of google hits this generates.

Update: TwistedFans.com is the #1 search result for pus-drinking nuns on google (Mimi Smartypants is #2)!

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May 21, 2004

Nigritude Ultramarine
???

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May 19, 2004

Dead or Alive
According to legend, if Andy Kaufman faked his death, he would return 20 years later. So on May 16th, 2004, exactly 20 years after Andy Kaufman's demise, his buddy Bob Zmuda threw a welcome back party for him. Did Andy show?

According to this yahoo article, he's back. To top it all off, he's blogging. Before we all get too excited, the same story ran on eMedia wire, and has been put on "Dispute Hold".

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Don't Do That
Apparently, one of our military helicopter pilots mistakenly shotup an Iraqi Wedding Reception. Now, I'm not condoning the killings, but someone needs to explain why this keeps happening. Iraqis know there's a war going on, right? I mean, they must have occasionally noticed the 150,000 troops walking around, right? They might have even seen reports of the same thing happening in Afghanistan. So ya gotta think they'd realize firing weapons into the air isn't the best idea.

Now I know what you're going to say, it's their custom and we should respect it. Screw that. That's the same argument as stepping in front of a moving bus just b/c you're in a crosswalk. Actually, it's even worse than that argument, but in either case, even if you are right, you're still dead.

When you think about it, there's only 2 ways to avoid this problem. Iraqis can stop firing rifles after wedding ceremonies, or you can tell U.S. troops to hesitate when taking fire until they can confirm it's not a celebration. Out of the two choices, only the former won't end up getting our troops killed.

I'll go so far as to say the pilot isn't to blame at all. In fact, if I was in charge, I'd order pilots to shoot people celebrating until they learn.

All this leads to my next question: Why are there so many weapons in Iraq anyway?

Did everyone in Iraq own an M-16 before the war, or did they hand them out when the war started? Maybe they just raided stock piles after the country fell into chaos, who knows? If everyone did own a small arsenal before, how could Saddam remain in power?

Ok, I'm sure everyone reading this will send me hate mail for lack of sensitivity (For a grand total of 3 emails!).

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May 13, 2004

SI ranks the highest paid athletes
no link yet to this list I want to SI's list of the top 50 highest paid athletes -- from contracts, endorsements, etc. -- of this year. ESPN.radio this morning mentioned it. They said there are only two women on the list (the Williams sisters of course) and they read the top five:

5 Kevin Garnett
4 Peyton Manning
3 LeBron James
2 (Shaq? I think)
1 Tiger Woods $76 million (makes about double 2nd place)

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May 12, 2004

I just had to look
I hate the internet. I just had to go searching for the video. You know the one I mean. The story is all over the news. Of course, I knew where I'd find it. How many murders have I seen on "tv" -- millions? Desensitized? Yeah, right. I almost vomited. My blood boiled. My skin got hot. It's two hours later and I'm sick to my stomach. My condolences to your family. My prayers are with you Nick.

A quite heated discussion in the comments forced reason to take down their post and image stills. Reuters article indicates it might have been prevented.

Richard Goldstein (Village Voice) had a similar reaction: I found the footage at annoy.com, and this was my reaction. As the victim's screams turned to gurgling, I felt nauseated and started shaking. When his severed head was held up, I fled from the room. Within 10 minutes, I had only an intellectual memory of what I'd witnessed. I couldn't recall the sounds, except for the killers' repeated cries of "Allahu Akbar." This mantra was their way of distancing themselves from the evil deed; my way was repression. Over the next 10 hours, my memory gradually returned—along with feelings of intense guilt. I had come to understand that reportorial duty was my excuse for voyeurism.

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May 5, 2004

He's f -- ing dead
Gwen Knapp of the SF Chronicle on Tillman's memorial service. I'm assuming this is a true account.

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May 4, 2004

Another Rall against Tillman
Ted Rall pisses on pat

Cathy Young takes on a campus doofus and his slander of Pat Tillman.

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long overdue
KG is finally MVP



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May 3, 2004

Lindsay Lohan as Hermione
Have you been looking for the SNL Harry Potter skit everywhere as well?

Wizard News has it.

Hpana has the video.

And of course lots more here.

It was pretty funny too when Parnell mentioned this site during the monologue.

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Love Triangle
After filming an intimate semi-nude scene with his girlfriend in "The Sopranos," Steve Buscemi's good-natured angst over actress Alison Bartlett's other job on "Sesame Street" was laid bare. "Everybody's going to hate me!" Buscemi moaned. "I'm bedding down Gina!" What would Elmo say?

Also, this is a great line from Sopranos episode 61: "I thought I was smart and that's why I bumped him up and protect him. Turns out I'm still just a fucking robot to my own pussy-ass weakness."

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May 2, 2004

Gonzalez v. Tillman
I personally believe Tillman is a hero, but feel its necessary to reprint this (without bothering to get permission) since one of the Freedoms Tillman was fighting for is for idiots like Gonzalez to spew vitriol like this and is allowed its due and despite the fact that Benjamin Shapiro thinks "freedom of speech – that doesn't mean anyone should use it to spit on his grave." Unfortunately, I can't link to it since the Daily Collegian took it down and offered in its stead a retraction.

Rene Gonzalez: Pat Tillman is not a hero: He got what was coming to him

By Rene Gonzalez
April 28, 2004 (originally published by The Daily Collegian)

When the death of Pat Tillman occurred, I turned to my friend who was watching the news with me and said, "How much you want to bet they start talking about him as a 'hero' in about two hours?" Of course, my friend did not want to make that bet. He'd lose. In this self-critical incapable nation, nothing but a knee-jerk "He's a hero" response is to be expected.

I've been mystified at the absolute nonsense of being in "awe" of Tillman's "sacrifice" that has been the American response. Mystified, but not surprised. True, it's not everyday that you forgo a $3.6 million contract for joining the military. And, not just the regular army, but the elite Army Rangers. You know he was a real Rambo, who wanted to be in the "real" thick of things. I could tell he was that type of macho guy, from his scowling, beefy face on the CNN pictures. Well, he got his wish. Even Rambo got shot in the third movie, but in real life, you die as a result of being shot. They should call Pat Tillman's army life "Rambo 4: Rambo Attempts to Strike Back at His Former Rambo 3 Taliban Friends, and Gets Killed."

But, does that make him a hero? I guess it's a matter of perspective. For people in the United States, who seem to be unable to admit the stupidity of both the Afghanistan and Iraqi wars, such a trade-off in life standards (if not expectancy) is nothing short of heroic. Obviously, the man must be made of "stronger stuff" to have had decided to "serve" his country rather than take from it. It's the old JFK exhortation to citizen service to the nation, and it seems to strike an emotional chord. So, it's understandable why Americans automatically knee-jerk into hero worship.

However, in my neighborhood in Puerto Rico, Tillman would have been called a "pendejo," an idiot. Tillman, in the absurd belief that he was defending or serving his all-powerful country from a seventh-rate, Third World nation devastated by the previous conflicts it had endured, decided to give up a comfortable life to place himself in a combat situation that cost him his life. This was not "Ramon or Tyrone," who joined the military out of financial necessity, or to have a chance at education. This was a "G.I. Joe" guy who got what was coming to him. That was not heroism, it was prophetic idiocy.

Tillman, probably acting out his nationalist-patriotic fantasies forged in years of exposure to Clint Eastwood and Rambo movies, decided to insert himself into a conflict he didn't need to insert himself into. It wasn't like he was defending the East coast from an invasion of a foreign power. THAT would have been heroic and laudable. What he did was make himself useful to a foreign invading army, and he paid for it. It's hard to say I have any sympathy for his death because I don't feel like his "service" was necessary. He wasn't defending me, nor was he defending the Afghani people. He was acting out his macho, patriotic crap and I guess someone with a bigger gun did him in.

Perhaps it's the old, dreamy American thought process that forces them to put sports greats and "larger than life" sacrificial lambs on the pedestal of heroism, no matter what they've done. After all, the American nation has no other role to play but to be the cheerleaders of the home team; a sad role to have to play during conflicts that suffer from severe legitimacy and credibility problems.

Matters are a little clearer for those living outside the American borders. Tillman got himself killed in a country other than his own without having been forced to go over to that country to kill its people. After all, whether we like them or not, the Taliban is more Afghani than we are. Their resistance is more legitimate than our invasion, regardless of the fact that our social values are probably more enlightened than theirs. For that, he shouldn't be hailed as a hero, he should be used as a poster boy for the dangerous consequences of too much "America is #1," frat boy, propaganda bull. It might just make a regular man irrationally drop $3.6 million to go fight in a conflict that was anything but "self-defense." The same could be said of the unusual belief of 50 percent of the American nation that thinks Saddam Hussein was behind Sept. 11. One must indeed stand in awe of the amazing success of the American propaganda machine. It works wonders.

Al-Qaeda won't be defeated in Afghanistan, even if we did kill all their operatives there. Only through careful and logical changing of the underlying conditions that allow for the ideology to foster will Al-Qaeda be defeated. Ask the Israelis if 50 years of blunt force have eradicated the Palestinian resistance. For that reason, Tillman's service, along with that of thousands of American soldiers, has been wrongly utilized. He did die in vain, because in the years to come, we will realize the irrationality of the War on Terror and the American reaction to Sept. 11. The sad part is that we won't realize it before we send more people like Pat Tillman over to their deaths.

Rene Gonzalez is a UMass graduate student.

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Time to step up your playoff game
Gary Payton and Tony ParkerAfter consistently groping the rival LA Lakers throughout the regular season, dandy Frenchman Tony Parker will attempt to take his blossoming gay tendencies to the next level in Game 1.  Which Laker(s) will be the next target of Parker's misdirected homosexual acting out?  Will they enjoy it?

Also, in case you missed it Chris Broussard is calling the Spurs the Anti-Lakers: "Spurs do not have bickering superstars, rapping superstars or disgruntled superstars. They do not have a player who has declared disdain for his coach or a coach who is celebrated as a master of Eastern mysticism. They do not have anyone facing the prospect of life in prison and they do not have two future Hall of Famers who must rue the day they forsook millions of dollars for a season of dysfunction. Spurs are a basketball team, not a soap opera." [NYT]

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George Steinbrenner
An excellent nyt article on 73 year old George Steinbrenner - check it out.

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