July 3, 2003

Useless Lifeforms

"[Apartment] Brokers are filthy, filthy animals. In fact, if there were a broker in my apartment, I'd put out traps and poison. And none of that Have-a-heart shit. I'd get the kind that breaks the necks or sticky mats laced with gonorrhea. So they'll have burning, flesh-eating rashes and won't be able to scratch them because their chest hair and 40% gold chains are glued to my cheap-ass linoleum floor. Brokers give rats a bad name. And in NY, I think brokers outnumber rats 2 to 1."
Stereolabrat on housing brokers in NYC

For those of you who do not live in NYC, here's how it works: Slumlords own 90% of the available apartments for rent in NYC, primarily 5th floor walk-ups built around 1940. Slumlord's, being too lazy to do any actual work, get their slumbroker friends to show the apartment to potential renters. If it's a half-decent apartment, it will be off the market in less than a day. For this grueling 10 minutes of work, slumbrokers extort 15-18% of the yearly rent from the tenant. Since the average 2 Bedroom in NYC costs ~$2,700, slumbrokers make over 5 grand for basically unlocking the door. [08:22]  [ ]