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SPORTS PARODY & Satire

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Between Innings with
McCarver and Buck at the Subway Series


Currently on TwistedFans.com

Issue #52

TwistedFans.com miked Fox broadcasters Tim McCarver and Joe Buck between innings of Saturday's Subways Series matchup between the Mets and Yankees. Here's a sample of some of the more interesting things said off the air:

Inning 1
T-Mac: Hey Joe, what the hell is that horrible smell?

J-Buck: It's [Hall of Fame Mets radio broadcaster] Bob Murphy.

T-Mac: Oh, I should have known. That old man's corpse-like stench is wafting through the whole press level. I shouldn't have even bothered picking my nose today ... I smell dead people. Hah, I made a Sixth Sense joke. The Sixth Sense is a great movie.

J-Buck: Uh, excuse me Tim, but you say that you shouldn't have bothered picking your nose?

T-Mac: Oh, sorry. I shouldn't have let you pick my nose for me today.

J-Buck: That's way better. Thank you for the recognition.

T-Mac: No problem partner.

Inning 2
T-Mac: Ooh, did you see that Derek Jeter while he was running off the field. He looks great, that's why he's on my fantasy team.

J-Buck: But Tim, you don't play rotisserie baseball.

T-Mac: You know the kind of fantasy team I'm talking about. Man, I'd love to ride his pine!

Inning 3
J-Buck: Tim, I think Estes just tried to beam Roger Clemens.

T-Mac: Why wouldn't he? If I was a little younger, even I'd like to drill him in the ass.

Inning 4
J-Buck: Hey Tim, now that we're in New York, it just dawned on me: you've been fired by both the Yankees and the Mets. Why do you think that is?

T-Mac: Yeah, whatever. There's Bobby V. What do you think he's saying to Charlie Hough. Do you think they're talking about me?

J-Buck: No, I think they're concerned about Shawn Estes. He walked off the mound a little funny.

T-Mac: No he didn't. Shawn Estes is just a tight-assed little boy. I used be like that, before Bob Gibson made me his personal catcher. Bob was into playing rough. His balls were always smacking me in the chin.

J-Buck: Sounds dreamy. I wish the guys in the truck downstairs could start playing some Louis Armstrong, like "What A Wonderful World," while you tell the rest of your story.

T-Mac: Speakin' of classic music, sometimes, when I'm all alone in the shower, I can still hear ol Bob humming Presley's "Hound Dog."

J-Buck: I thought that was our song!

Inning 5
T-Mac: [Singing along to stadium music] Won't you take me to ... FUNKY TOWN?! [while gazing lustily into J-Buck's eyes].

J-Buck: C'mon Tim, what's your fixation with all that new music the kids are listening to? Let's sing something meaningful "Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens ..."

T-Mac: I may need some new motion in my brown ocean, friend.

Inning 6
T-Mac: [spots ESPN's Rob Dibble] Hey Dibby, where your old lady at?

R-Dibb: You mean Norm [Charlton]? We broke up a long time ago. He was too rough with the sac, if you know what I mean.

T-Mac: Sorry Dibby, I don't know what you mean. You gotta take it like a man. If it don't hurt, it don't mean nothing and it ain't worth having. Right Joe?

J-Buck: That's why I ice my crotch before and after every game.'

Inning 7
J-Buck: Look, the Mayor has come to join us for the next inning.

Rudy-G: Go Yankees!

T-Mac: Hey Rudy, that mistress of yours is one handsome biatch. I'd let her do em if she had the tools.

Rudy-G: Go Yankees!

Inning 8
J-Buck: Wow, we have the honor of having the Mayor in here for the 7th and Iron Mike Tyson for the eighth.

T-Mac: How are you doing Mike?

M-Ty: Ooh, I'm gonna beat you and love you till you can't love no mo' McCarver.

T-Mac: Please, will you?

Inning 9
T-Mac: ... ... ...

J-Buck: Uh, Tim ... I can't hear you.

T-Mac: ... ... ...

J-Buck: Your words sound mumbled, where are you?

T-Mac: I'm getting back in the closet!

J-Buck: Oh, see ya later

Butch Rogaine and Martina Navratilova will be matched up in Battle of Sexes II on HBO in September.
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