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Kill Your Cablevision


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Issue #43

We can all learn a lot from Lane Myer.

"I want my two dollars!", who doesn't remember the constant whine of the paperboy in one of the most memorable of all 80's movies "Better off Dead." Well, let's face it, that's exactly what Cablevision President & C.E.O. James L. Dolan has been whining about for weeks now. And that's exactly what we should be thinking about Cablevision: Better off Dead.

Dolan's position is that Cablevision is better off losing a few subscribers to satellite than to lose revenue due to absorbing the Yankees YES Network fee.

Dolan refuses to suck up the $2 surcharge to bring on YES because it will affect his bottom line and wants subscribers who already pay the highest rates in the country to cough up even more dough.

The Network's position is basically that they won't allow Cablevision to carry YES unless they forego any additional charges to their subscribers.

So there I was yesterday wondering whether Cablevision prisoners would miss 130 Yankees games or would they make the switch to satellite. So, I made a call to the bullpen and phoned my Dad to determine the outcome.

Me: "Are you canceling cable and getting satellite to watch the Yankees this season?"
Dad: "No, I'll just listen to them on the radio."

Somehow always able to see outside the box, the man no longer continues to amaze me with the pure simplicity and genius of his responses to my most pressing questions.

The radio. Had I forgotten 12 years of my childhood that quickly. From age 5 to 17, I spent my summers working on my grandparents hot dog truck, working with my dad long into the night after my grandparents had gone off to bed or off to Florida, and listening to Yankees games on the radio.

Most of those games were called by Scooter Phil Rizzuto and played by Don Mattingly and no matter how bad the Yanks were during that entire period, we listened every night, sometimes long after driving the truck back from the ball fields.

At the end of the movie, Lane Myer (played by John Cusack) has to make a decision between his blond beautiful ex-girlfriend and the French girl next door, who fixes his car and teaches him to ski (among other things). After a brief smooch from the blonde, our hero searches the crowd to find his french compadre, battles his next door neighbor Ricky to win her, throws her over his shoulder and they walk off into the sunset.

As in the movie, we must look beneath the surface glare of our beautiful but shallow TV sets and follow Lane's example to grab our radios and head outdoors this season.

So cancel Cablevision altogether because, ultimately, James L. Dolan should find out that Cablevision is Better off Dead than having had to suck up that $2 fee.

As for me, I'll just listen to the Yankees this season.


K-Cebo Satashi says that if YES brings back Scooter and #23, well, then that's worth paying for.

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