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Tues, Nov 6, 2001

Diamondbacks Await Parade in 
Canyon of Canyons


by Luscious Rosenbaum
GRAND CANYON, AZ – The Arizona Diamondbacks will celebrate their World Series victory in a parade down the Canyon of Canyons. Randy Johnson, Curt Schilling and company will be driven in large floats through the Grand Canyon where, apparently, almost no one will greet them.
Above: The Canyon of Canyons.

     During my trip to see the Series, one thing became clear... only old people live in Arizona, and they're not great fans. "Close the door. It's hot out!" scolded Moira Jean Smith, an elderly Arizona D-backs fan I interviewed for this story. "Yeah, I'm a fan, but I can't stand the heat out there. I'm not going to the parade. The sun bugs me too. My giant glaucoma glasses can only block out so much light."

     "There's a diamondback where?!" screamed John Fisher, an 80 year old fan. "Git my shovel mother!" Incidentally, after much flailing about with his shovel, Mr. Fisher thankfully tired and fell asleep where he stood.

     Some relocated retirees seemed downright confused about the parade. "Yeah, I'm a D-backs fan," said Moishe Schwartz, 76. "Oh, wait, maybe I'm a Cardinals fan. Is Gibson still pitching?"

     The only fan I could find who assured me he'd be at the parade is Vinnie, a middle aged man with a Bronx accent who says the FBI relocated him to Phoenix. "Oh yeah, they're gonna pay ... uh, I mean, um, I'm gonna be at the parade. Yeah, go D-backs!"

Luscious Rosenbaum makes his home in Palm Springs, CA.

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Randy Johnson Autographed Cap (Arizona Diamondbacks)