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Q&A with the Philly Phanatic

Issue #4

TwistedFans™
A Tangled Web of Intrigue™

Philly Phanatic: Yes, I do mind. Philly Phanatic is just my stage name. My real name is Carl Hungus.

BR: OK Carl. I notice that you wear your costume and giant head everywhere – even to this interview. Does the club require it?

PhPh: Hell no. I wear the whole get up because I’m agoraphobic.

BR: You’re afraid of open spaces?

PhPh: Yeah, basically. The only way I can leave the house is in this suit.

BR: Your job choices must be pretty limited, huh?

PhPh: Nah, I’ve been Goofy in Disneyland, then the Anaheim Angel, and now finally the Phanatic.

BR: What’s the biggest drawback of the suit. Is it the heat?

PhPh: No, it’s going to the bathroom. I’ve got front and rear flaps built into the suit, but there’s only so much that I can do with these giant hands of mine. It’s hard to get a good grip of things if you get my drift.

BR: Yes, unfortunately I do get your drift. So ... wearing this costume day in and day out must hamper the love life, right?

PhPh: You bet. Girls don’t take me seriously, which leads me to resort to daydreaming and fantasy. I once fell in love with a wooden Indian princess in front of a tobacco store. Back when I was Goofy at Disneyland, me and Minnie had a fling, but you know how it is – dogs and mice just aren’t meant to be.

BR: I guess not. Any gossip among the mascots as to who that gay East Coast player is?

PhPh: Beats me, they all seem gay. All you see them doing is slapping each other on the asses during games and then taking part in violent monkey sex in the tunnel leading to the clubhouse.

BR: What??!!

PhPh: Uhhh ... you didn’t hear that from me. I gotta go know.

Editor’s Note: After this interview, Carl Hungus hung up his Phanatic suit and realized his true dream to work as a Lincoln Tunnel toll booth clerk. Carl lives in a crawlspace in the tunnel and does his best to spread his message of agoraphobe awareness.