geocti A-Rod Battling Career Ending Disease

Newsletter Signup	A-Rod Battling Career Ending Disease!ت	Issue #4
	TwistedFans™ A Tangled Web of Intrigue™	asd

Arlington – The playing days of Texas Rangers shortstop Alex Rodriguez may be over according to his agent, Scott Boras. The Rangers, losers of over 65% of their games, reported that Rodriguez asked out of the lineup last night, complaining of an illness. While A-Rod’s symptoms match those of the common cold, Boras claims there is more to the story.

تتتتت "Alex has been working hard to make the Texas Rangers the best team they can be. He still believes that with his talent the team could go 78-23 over the rest of the season, which would put them in first place if the Seattle Mariners were to just play .500 ball from here on. Unfortunately, his sickness is serious."

تتتتت Many baseball insiders believe Rodriguez’ illness is just a ruse to

Boras believes that Rodriguez' ailment mayتتت
have been contracted from excess contact
with fans like those shown here.

negotiate a higher contract, a trade, or perhaps a retirement whereby he could collect his guaranteed contract.

تتتتت "His team sucks and now he wants out," claims one executive at Major League Baseball.

Boras, however, begs to differ. "The doctors can’t pinpoint what is wrong with Alex. They say it’s like nothing they’ve seen before. Snot just comes out of Alex’s nose, and nothing can stop it. He spends prolonged periods of time with a tissue to his nose. We’ve been paying the most skilled helper monkeys to tear tissues into small pieces so that Alex can stuff them into his nose. As if the snot isn’t bad enough, there are periods where he can’t get any snot out of his nose. It’s all stuffed up in there!! Sometimes he will sneeze and his cup will pop off. I can’t let Alex endanger his physical well-being by playing under such conditions."

تتتتت The agent refuses to let Rodriguez make any public comments on the disease. In addition, he continues to refute the possibility that A-Rod merely has a cold. "A cold? That’s the same thing they said about Lou Gehrig, and look what happened to him! My office has composed a fifty page pamphlet comparing A-Rod’s symptoms to those of Gehrig’s. The pamphlet will show that A-Rod’s illness and Gehrig’s share 30% of the same factors. Some may argue that those 30% are just minor factors (headaches, indigestion) that may be common to all diseases. But hey, 30% is significant. A successful hitter only succeeds 30% of the time. Wouldn’t you want a .300 hitter in your team’s lineup? I rest my case."

تتتتت Boras even went so far as to assert, on behalf of his own paid doctors, that A-Rod is suffering from a new disease called "Rodriguez disease." Whether A-Rod is indeed physically ill or merely suffering from loser’s syndrome will remain a mystery for the near future.

TwistedFans.com Staff WriterتLuscious Rosenbaum has a rod.

ت June 12, 2001ت

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