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*May 29, 2001*	Sports Coverage the Way it Should Be!	*Issue 2*
	TwistedFans™ Twisted Sports Humor Published Tuesdays

Top Stories

Shawn Kemp Caught Stealing Pork Chops

A Little Piece of
the XFL Survives

New Look NFL...It Ain't Just Switching Divisions

Knicks Forward
Mulls Retirement

NHL Prepares to Face New Competition From Mexico

Kemp Denies Guilt, Vows to Find Pork Chops' Captor

Chinese Center Holds Mavs Private Jet Hostage

Derrick Coleman Joins Kemp in Hunt For Missing Pork Chops

Twisted Features

Q&A with Anna K.

Advice Guy Bry

Twisted Hall of Fame

Classic Rants

MudBowl Shrine

Twisted Cruller

Pro Athlete Lauded for Being Decent Human

MJ vs. Kobe at 22

Whining works -- just ask Dan Miceli

NFL Realignment

Artist sues Ravens
over Logo

What I've Learned From Watching Porn

Star Time in the NBA

Twisted Poll

If Oliver Stone were to make a conspiracy film based upon the sport of baseball, who would you like to play the coach?

	Christopher Walken
	Andy Dick
	Steve Buscemi
	Bobby Valentine

Twisted News
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A Little Piece of
the XFL Survives
It appears that Vince McMahon's XFL was not a complete waste after all. Executives at Fox Sports, in conjunction with the NFL, are experimenting with several of the XFL's technological innovations - as well as its own new ideas -- in preparation for the 2001-2001 football season. read on>>

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New Look NFL...It Ain't
Just Switching Divisions
The NFL Rules and Competition Committee has announced that there will be a new look to point scoring this year. Commissioner Paul Tagliabue described the changes as "lots of fun and in spirit with a game as American as apple pie." read on>>

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Knicks Forward
Mulls Retirement
Plagued by a career of back ailments, New York Knicks forward Larry Johnson is considering retirement.. Johnson, who once anchored the UNLV Running Rebels and later forged the colorful identity of "Grandmamma" as a Charlotte Hornet, is coming to grips with the toll that playing has taken on his body. read on>>

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Iverson Graduates ECSU Philadelphia—Wild celebration to the tune "Pomp and Circumstance" flooded the 76ers Arena when Allen Iverson received his diploma from Eastern Conference Semifinals University. "I've been waiting all of my life for this moment," declared Iverson, the 2001 ECSU Class President and valedictorian, during his commencement speech. "This is what I've been working for my entire life, and quite honestly I can't imagine any other place I would rather be." Iverson wisely forewent a potentially distracting visit to his other alma mater, Georgetown High School, earlier that morning.

Top Story
--------------------------
NHL's Canadians,
Russians, and
Nords Prepare
to Face New Competition From
North America...

"Worship the Worm"

NHL Commissioner Gary Betteman announced this afternoon that a new expansion franchise, the Tijuana Worms, will be joining the League.
Stocked with a new breed of hockey player, the team is poised to change the way hockey is played. read on>>

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Editorial: Dan Miceli - Miserable Human Being
Chuck Smith pitched a beautiful 7 and 1/3 innings giving up two runs seemingly on his way to his 4th victory with no losses for a miserable Florida Marlins team (22-27). Smith handed over a 5-2 lead to his bullpen. Dan Miceli blew his 3rd save opportunity in 3 tries and now has 0 wins and 5 losses.
     Just a day earlier, Miceli stated that Marlins' Manager Boles didn't have enough playing experience to manage. His harsh criticism of Boles hastened Florida's decision to fire the manager.
    "It's the talk of the locker room," Micelli said. "They don't make the right moves in the right situations... Stupid moves."
     Dan Micelli is right, clearly anyone willing to let him pitch an inning in the majors should be fired immediately for stupidity. Miceli is a miserable human being and really sucks. Marlins, Please Can Dan!

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