Issue #9

Knicks looking to trade Weis to Raptors

July 17, 2001


A Tangled Web of Intrigue

+By C.

New York CityRecent reports indicate that the New York Knicks are trying to move 7'2" French center Frederic Weis. The move comes on the heels of several conflicts between Weis and head coach Jeff Van Gundy's deodorant policy.

    "Freddie does not need to use deodorant," said the center, speaking in the third person. An annoyed Van Gundy simply stated the obvious, "Fred smells."

Above: Raptors looking to get Weis so they can sell tickets to practices.

     Unidentified Knicks officials admit that Weis has practiced poorly in Summer League games, and that Van Gundy no longer desires to climb up the giant in order to administer a roll-on onto his armpits. Furthermore, the center has grown displeased with trainer Mike Saunders, who until recently had been chasing after Weis with a bar of Speedstick taped to a broomstick handle.

    Toronto Raptors General Manager Glen Grunwald expressed interest in acquiring Weiss, the fifteenth overall pick in the 1999 draft, for his presence in the middle. "What they call 'stink,' I call good defense," explained Grunwald.

    In addition, sources say that Raptors management is urgently seeking Weis for the purpose of reuniting him with superstar Vince Carter, with the hope that Carter will continue to dunk over "The Big Frenchman" in practice and perhaps even in games. Apparently the thinking is that, given Weis's proven ability to establish good position in the low post, Carter would be inspired to dunk over Weis and opposing centers at once.

    "Fred can be like a target for Vince to aim at throughout the game," suggested Raptors coach Lenny Wilkens

C. Maroussi plays it above the rim.

E-Mail This Article

Newsletter Sign-Up | Feedback
Copyright © 2001 TwistedFans, LLC, ARRAWR.

Masthead | Contact Information | Privacy Policy