a

TwistedFans
SPORTS PARODY & Satire

a
Cubs' Sosa Refuses to Endorse Milk on Principle


Currently on TwistedFans.com

Issue #54

Sosa won't admit that it's his drinking problem that keeps him from drinking the moo juice.
Chicago Cubs slugger Sammy Sosa today refused an offer from the American Milk Council to don a milk mustache and endorse moo juice. "I can't advertise to public someteen dat I don't use," said Sosa.

"Other athletes lie to their fans and sell tings dey don't really try. Sammy not lie to fans. Sammy never drink milk," said the hulking Sosa. When someone suggested Sosa drink a glass of milk, so that he could appear in the ad with a free conscience, Sosa grew angry. "Who do you think you are? My pappi?! You are not my pappi!!!"

He then attempted an obscene gesture by grabbing his crotch, which only resulted in a prolonged search for his genitalia. After consultation from his agent, Sosa finally just pounded on his chest with his hand and told everyone that he loved them.


Luscious Rosenbaumhas learned that Milk will show up positive for bovine growth steroids.

All-Star Game ExtravaSHAMza

A Statistical Model to Select 2002 MLB All-Stars That We Can All Live With
Butch Rogaine Recaps the First Half of the 2002 Baseball Season
Piazza Loves Cox
Why Internet voting ruined the 2001 All-Star Game
Butch tells us why Cliff Floyd didn't deserve a spot on the 2001 NL All-Star team
2001 All-Star Game Moment Revealed: Roger Responsible for Tommy's Tumble
A-Rod Offers to Restructure Contract to Obtain Trade to Montreal
Cubs' Sosa Refuses to Endorse Milk on Principle
2001 A.L. All-Star manager Joe Torre makes more New York additions

TwistedFans Staff
Email this story to a friend
Subscribe to our Newsletter
Most E-mailed Articles
TwistedFans Sports Shop
In Association with Amazon.com

Butch Rogaine Recaps the First Half of the Baseball Season

All-Star Game ExtravaSHAMza

Williams Family Met With Assortment of Possibilities for Ted's Remains

Visit our Archive



Home | Feedback | Free Stuff | Disclaimer
Copyright 2002 TwistedFans, LLC, ARRAWR.