Rockets Yao Ming 
Donates Organ To Sister



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Issue #53

     Newly minted Houston Rockets center Yao Ming donated one of his scrotal sacs to 40 year old sister Ling, who was born with just one lung. In a 2 day operation, doctors removed one of the three scrotal sacs carried by Ming, a product of Chinese genetic engineering.

     The scrotal sac was simultaneously sutured to Ling's esophagus and existing lung by noted surgeon Dr. Demento, who then made a sudden and daring decision.

     "At first, it looked like Ling's lungs were going to work fine," commented Demento, just two hours after the operation. "But once we gave her Yao's sac, it was so big that Ling didn't even really need the one lung she already had. So we cut the lung out and attached it to Yao's other two sacs. I think they will be both pleased when they wake up."

     The operation comes just a few days after Jazz center Greg Ostertag donated a kidney to his sister -- and only minutes before Mavericks center Wang Zhi Zhi donated his vagina to Richard Simmons.

     "He just had it laying around there under his armpit, so of course I had to ask him if he'd mind giving it to me," commented Simmons. "It's not like he didn't get anything out of it. I gave him 10 Deal-A-Meal cards and a stick of pink bubble gum. You can't even get that gum in a pack of baseball cards these days," continued Simmons.

     According to Union leader Billy Hunter, aside from being strange oddities in the annals of basketball history, these heartfelt stories are sure to have their impact when the next collective bargaining period begins between players and owners.

     "With the large amount of good press generated, the players will now attract support from a fan base they had yet to win over: the freaks," said Hunter, stomping his hoof on the ground repeatedly as he spoke. "Watch out David Stern, we're ready for you now!"

Butch Rogaine will go under the knife in Issue 6.3
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