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Money-Hungry Riley Fixes Lakers-Nets Series at His Own Expense


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Issue #51

Byron Scott Triangle Conspiracy

TwistedFans Exclusive According to a source close to New Jersey Nets Head Coach Byron Scott, speaking on the condition of anonymity, has revealed that Scott has sold the 2002 NBA Championship from under the feet of the upstart Nets to Pat Riley and Phil Jackson.

New Jersey, who was heavily favored entering the series has now lost three straight to the Los Angeles Lakers. But now according to the source, every time the Nets get on a roll, Scott makes crazy substitutions like forcing K-Mart to guard D-Fish.

Allegedly, Pat Riley contacted Scott immediately after the Lakers victory over the Sacramento Kings with the following proposition: A half interest in Riley's extremely valuable THREE-PEAT trademark in return for Scott's guarantee that the Nets lose to L.A. Riley was so concerned with the New Jersey's ability to dethrone the reigning champs that he made the offer despite the fact that it will cost him his All-Time NBA Post-Season Victories Record, which will fall if the Lakers can win the final game.

Incidentally, Reuters reported earlier this week that Riley, while coach of the 1980's NBA Champion Fast Break Lakers Dynasty featuring Magic and Byron, overheard Scott utter the now famous phrase and under cover of post- game celebration snuck off to call his lawyer to trademark the term.

According to a second source, also speaking on the condition of anonymity, Phil Jackson phoned Scott the day after the Lakers Western Conference Championship win with a proposition to cement his place in the basketball record books. The terms of the deal require to Scott to guarantee victory for the Lakers and in return Jackson will hand the Lakers' reigns over to Scott following the 2004-05 season. Incidentally, Costas confirmed during game 3 that Jackson will indeed be stepping down upon his 60th birthday, which neatly coincides with what TwistedFans has learned. For Jackson a win Wednesday will be his third three-peat and ninth championship in nine tries as well as moving him past Riley for most post-season victories.

Such fear these Monsters from the Swamps New Jersey Nets instilled in the Riley and Jackson, that each were willing, not knowing the other already had, made a pact with Coach Scott to guarantee success at the highest level of their sport.

For Coach Riley as his dirty three-peat money pours in guaranteeing a lifetime of slick oily hair, he must nevertheless deal with the loss of one of his most treasured records to enjoy the spoils of victory.

For Coach Jackson Once again, as if guided by the one hand clapping of Buddha himself, he will enjoy the spiritual fulfillment that can only come from coaching the world's best players to victory after victory in the NBA Championship.

For Coach Scott He's been coaching in New Jersey for two years for gods sake -- give the guy a break, will ya.


K-Cebo Satashi thanks Sly Fox and Byron Scott for their invaluable contributions to this article.

And remember trademark your valuable catch phrase today to avoid the moral and financial bankruptcy that may accompany your failure to do so, then getting ripped off and eventually having to sell out to the two highest bidders.

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