If Lakers-Spurs was Star Wars



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Issue #48

A long time ago, in a basketball arena far, far away...
  • David Robinson would be Yoda to Tim Duncan's Luke ("Rebound you do not, lose you will.")
  • Shaquille O'Neal would be Tim Duncan's father ("You will turn to the dark side or foul out!")
  • Kobe Bryant would be fluent in over 6 million languages and follow little Derek Fisher around. (Where are you going Derek? Pass the ball right here.")
  • Phil Jackson would wear a black hooded robe and call himself ‘the Emperor.'
  • Harrison Ford would be sitting court side with his Wookie friend Robin Williams.
  • Refs Hugh Hollins and Violet Palmer would be twins separated at birth.
  • The Staples Center would be the Death Star.

If other NBA Playoff finalists were to join the cast...

  • Kenyon Martin would be Bounty Hunter Boba Fett ("Coach, how much you gimme for Antoine Skywalker's head?")

  • The Eastern Conference winners would be defenseless Ewoks. ("gurgle chirp chirp")

  • The Mavericks would be faceless, nameless, easy-to-kill Storm Troopers.

  • C Webb would be the gutless Lando of The Empire Strikes back. ("Shaq is big, there's not much more I can do but put my head between my knees and hope he goes away.")

  • Turkogolu, Stojakovic and Divac would be Admirals of the Empire, about to be killed by Shaq Vader for speaking English with foreign accents.

  • Steve Nash would be Princess Leia.

Also starring Butch Rogaine and Kobe Bryant as R2-D2 and C-3PO.

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