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Tues, Oct 23, 2001

Special Report: Yanks Fans 
Tired of Yanks Winning

by Willy P. Ondabich

NEW YORK, NY – A shocking new poll by the New York Post has revealed that 98% of New York Yankees fans in the tri-state area have finally grown tired of their Yankees' winning ways.

Above: Third baseman Scott Brosius flashes his constantly winning smile.

     "I've been a Yankee fan my whole life," proclaimed Yankee fan Jerry Greenstein, 44 of Hollis, Queens.  "When they went down 0-2 in against Oakland, I was like, whoa, man... they've had such an incredible run... so many great years-- but they just looked so old against the A's.  I was totally resigned to the fact that it really wasn't their year, and I felt very appreciative for all they had done."

"Then, they had to go and fuck it all up."

     The poll is the first of its kind to prove that Yankees fans themselves, in conjunction with the rest of the nation, have grown tired of seeing that same glazed-over look of futility on their opponents' faces after an October whupping.  Many of the 3,000 Yankee fans polled admitted that they had indeed left their team for dead midway through the Oakland series, and that now, in essence, they have jumped back onto their own bandwagon.

     98% of fans checked off the "OK, This is Getting Ridiculous" box instead of the "4-Peat
Is Sweet!" box.  Many also wrote freehand comments in the margin, such as "Their storylines are more predictable than Baywatch," "I do feel that they might have overstayed their welcome," and "This year I'd rather be watching Barry Zito and his cool hair in the World Series than fuckin' 90-year-old Paul O'Neill."

Above: Yankee fans show their honesty.

     "What the hell have my Yankees ever done for me!???" and "If that bag of shit Luis Sojo gets another game winning hit, I swear to God, I'm gonna shoot my fucking television set," were among other die-hard Yankee fan comments.

     While the poll results were clear, 2% of the fans still continue to support their team by flat-out lying.  "I never lost faith" said shitfaced liar Freddy Murdock of Teaneck, NJ. "I knew they would come through and beat Oakland."

     Now that the Bombers have humiliated Lou Piniella the 116-game winning Seattle Mariners, and will totally crush the Big Unit and the inexperienced Arizona Diamondbacks, their fans wonder what else they have to prove.

     "They can prove that they're normal erring humans, like me, that's what they can prove," said polled fan Jimmy Testavito of the Bronx. "I love my team, but, come on, this is simply not normal."

In Related News: Mariners' Fans Tired of Team's Winning Ways


Tough to be the best

How the team with the best overall record in each season since 1990 has fared in the postseason:
Year Team Record Result
2001 Sea. 116-46 lost ALCS
2000 S.F. 97-65 lost 1st rd
1999 Atl. 103-59 lost WS
1998 NYY 114-48 won WS
1997 Atl. 101-61 lost NLCS
1996 Cle. 99-62 lost 1st rd
1995 Cle. 100-44 lost WS
1993 Atl. 104-58 lost NLCS
1992 Atl. 98-64 lost WS
1991 Pit. 98-64 lost NLCS
1990 Oak. 103-59 lost WS

SEATTLE, WA – After 116 regular season wins, Seattle Fans' wishes came true last night as the Yanks crushed their dispirited M's. 

     I don't care what Lou Piniella said, people in Seattle just can't handle the cheering. 

     By the time win 101 came around, Safeco's Starbucks couldn't handle the coffee needs of the fans any longer.

     Quoted one M's fan: "After this season, we're glad they're losing to the Yanks because we just cant handle another victory."

     Quoted another: "We're not used to this, it's not like we're Yankees fans. It's all too much!"

Disclaimer: Willy P. Ondabich is a Mets Fan who obviously hates the Yankees.

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